I've written a lot about processes in Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, and so far I have yet to dig into the all important 5 P's of IFS which serve as the therapies key guiding principles. Principles can sometimes be a bit dry, but in IFS they are all action oriented and key for the therapeutic process to unfold as smoothly as possible. While I speak specifically to IFS in this post, I would put out there that these principles speak for all effective therapist qualities across modalities, particularly those that treat trauma and attachment injuries. Understanding and embodying these five P's can deepen your practice of IFS, whether as therapists or individuals seeking self-healing. Let's explore each of them in a bit more detail:
Presence. This concept refers to the state of living in the moment, being conscious and accepting of our internal experiences without any preconceived notions or criticism. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), developing a sense of presence is crucial as it enables us to observe our different parts without feeling overwhelmed or getting entangled in them. When we are present, we can observe our inner world more clearly, comprehend the ongoing dynamics without attempting to rectify or alter anything. Presence also encompasses embodying the 8C attributes of the Self - calmness, curiosity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, connectedness, and clarity. Through being present, we can interact with our parts from a standpoint of openness and curiosity, which is vital for nurturing trust within our internal system. For clients, enhancing their presence involves mastering the art of staying grounded and connected to the Self, even in the face of intense emotions or memories. It serves as the cornerstone on which all IFS practices are founded.
Patience. In IFS, patience is about giving each part of us the time and space it needs to express itself fully. Healing is not a quick fix, and often parts have been doing their job/s for multiple decades, so the unwinding of this takes repetition. Parts usually have deep-seated fears, pain, or trauma that require time to surface and be understood fully. Patience allows us to respect the process, recognising that each part has its own story, history, and reasons for being. When we rush the process or push parts to change too quickly, we risk retraumatising them or causing them to become defensive. Patience involves trusting the natural unfolding of the therapeutic journey, allowing each part to reveal itself in its own time. This principle encourages us to listen deeply and stay engaged with our parts, even when progress seems slow or when certain parts are reluctant to engage. As therapists, modeling patience helps clients feel safe and supported in their process.
Persistence. This speaks to the commitment to continually engage with our parts, especially when the work becomes challenging. Some parts are heavily burdened with painful experiences or are very protective due to past experiences, fearing the past will be repeated. These parts may be resistant or may try to sabotage the therapeutic process out of fear or a desire to protect us from perceived harm. Persistence does not mean pushing past or bulldozing through a part's resistance but rather consistently returning to the work with a gentle, compassionate manner. It involves reassuring our parts that we are committed to their well-being, no matter how long it takes. This persistent engagement helps build trust, signaling to our parts that we won’t abandon them, even when things get tough. In therapy, this persistence is mirrored in the therapist’s stance, as they consistently show up for the client, embodying the qualities of the Self and encouraging the client to do the same.
Perspective. This is about understanding that each part of us has its own unique viewpoint, shaped by its experiences and role within the system. When we say a part is "burdened," we mean it carries beliefs and feelings that are often outdated or extreme, stemming from past experiences. Gaining perspective involves creating space from these individual parts so we can see them and they can see us more clearly, viewing relationships within the context of a whole system with curiosity and openness. This broader perspective helps us understand how parts interact to form patterns of behavior or emotions. For example, a protective part might engage in sabotage to keep the whole systems small in order to prevent another part from feeling exposed to further potential pain that comes with being seen. Understanding these dynamics allows for more compassionate engagement with each part, seeing them not as problems but as attempts to help and protect us, albeit in ways that may no longer be necessary or helpful.
Playfulness. This might seem like an unusual concept in a therapeutic context, but in IFS, it’s a vital aspect of engaging with our parts. Playfulness introduces a sense of lightness and creativity into the healing process, allowing us to approach our internal system with curiosity rather than fear or judgment. Contrary to what many people think, it is very rare where I have a session where there is no lightness or laughter, even when dealing with very dark and intense material. When we are playful, we can explore our parts and their roles with a sense of openness, which can be incredibly healing, especially for parts that feel stuck or are entrenched in rigid beliefs. This approach helps to break down barriers and encourages parts to relax and engage more openly. Playfulness can soften resistance, allowing for more fluid and flexible engagements
I hope I've demonstrated that the 5 P's of IFS are more than just principles; they are essential qualities that facilitate deep healing and transformation. By embracing these principles, both therapists and clients can foster a safe, compassionate, and effective therapeutic environment. They remind us that healing is a journey, one that requires us to be fully present, patient with the process, persistent in our commitment, open to different perspectives, and willing to engage with a spirit of playfulness. In doing so, we create a path toward greater self-awareness, self-compassion, and ultimately, self-leadership.